Pursuit of Happiness and the Possible Cost Thereof
by DeepKiss
Summary: AU. For every problem, there is a solution. Ofttimes the end result isn't TOTALLY what we planned or even wanted it to be. This is why sometimes when you get what you want, you wind up losing what it is that you had. This is the final chapter.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters contained within this story.

* * *

As she quietly stood looking out of the window of her hotel room, mixed feelings of both pleasure and sadness interlaced themselves through her psyche. 

Ever since day one, ever since she first laid eyes on him, he was all that she could think about. She gently bit her upper lip as she looked out the window and saw the city night skyline. She let out a sigh and muttered softly, "Billy…if you only knew what you do to me."

She sat down on the couch and picked up a magazine. She tried reading an article to take her mind off of this situation, but it didn't do any good. She knew that he was married to one of her best friends, but he was still all she thought about. She often wondered if deep down, maybe, just _maybe_ he felt the same way about her somehow, even though from _his_ perspective, they were supposed to be "just friends".

Those were the facts that bought her the most sadness—one, that they were "just friends", and two--that he was married, not just married, but married to one of her best friends. There were times that she felt as though she wanted him more than she wanted her next breath. She knew that the next time she went out with Torrie and Billy, she wanted to finally face this situation head-on. She was weary of being a prisoner of her own emotions and she wanted to finally get these feelings out in the open, despite being in two minds about the whole ordeal.

Time and time and time again, she observed him giving all of his love, giving all of his time, and giving all of his affection to his wife. She thought about this and gently closed her eyes. The fact that his wife is one of her best friends escaped her mind as the desire to feel his arms gently caressing her up and down her waist and chest, his warm breath gently on the back of her neck, and the distinctive scent of his cologne filling her nostrils and making her think romantic thoughts—just those mere thoughts flooded out just about any other thought in her mind. She smiled to herself and slowly opened her eyes when she came out of her reverie.

She saw the way he looks at her and the way he treats her--and she wanted that, too, despite Billy being married to Torrie.

At that thought the phone rang, and she, being so absorbed in her own thoughts, jumped a little. She reached over and picked the receiver up.

"Hello?"

The cheerful voice on the other end of the phone was an all-too-familiar one. "Hi Maria! It's me."

Maria answered in a slightly somber tone, "Oh, he-hey Torrie."

Torrie answered, "Hey, is everything ok? You sound…a little down, or something."

Maria, trying to disguise the disappointment in her voice quickly said, "Uh, no nothing's wrong. So, what's up?"

"Well, I just called because I wanted to know if you were interested in maybe doing a double-date with me and my husband."

Maria's eyes lit up slightly and she thought to herself _"speak of the devil"_. She stammered out, "Um…yeah, sure…ok. Uh, what time and where?"

Torrie cheerfully responded, "Well, maybe we could try this new jazz club they have downtown? I think it's called 'The Azure Lounge'. I was thinking we could pick you up around 7-ish? You'll meet your date at the lounge."

Maria went silent for a moment and said, "My…date?"

Torrie hesitated and said, "Yes, you remember I just told you—"

Maria interrupted her and replied with feigned interest, "Oh yeah, I'm sorry I forgot already. Well, who is he?"

Torrie eagerly answered, "Oh girl, you'll love him! He's one of Billy's good friends—and, just between me and you—he is cuuuute!"

Maria smiles a little and says, "Hm…okay then, I'll get dressed. See you."

"Ok Maria, we'll see you at 7! Bye, hon!"

Maria stared at the floor blankly as she pondered the fact that she was going to be near…him. She smiled and hung up the phone, still rather deep in thought and anticipation.

Amidst all of her heavy emotional pondering, she started to think about what to wear. She knew what Billy's favorite color was and she remembered that she had packed a dress just that color. She ran into her bedroom and frantically started routing through her closet. When she found the dress, she smiled gently. "Hmmm…I think he'll love me in this."

She put the dress up to her body and looked at herself in the mirror. She smiled and said to herself, "Yesss..."

Maria looked at the alarm clock and saw that it was a half-hour yet until 7. She sighed and said to herself, "Well, I already took a shower, so…"

She walked into the other room, went to her wet bar, and poured herself a glass of vodka. She sat back down on her couch and took a sip of the drink, all the while pondering about how she could get him away from Torrie—even for a couple moments. She thought about how Torrie's always hanging off of his arm and always kissing him on his neck. As she thought about that, a frown began to develop on her face.

This whole situation just confused her and consumed her. She wanted all of this to end. She didn't want these…feelings, she didn't want to cause any undue tension between herself, Torrie, and Billy.

However, all she knew was how she felt and, like always, when it came to Billy, her feelings would drown out her better judgment. This time was certainly no different. She wanted Billy more and more with each passing moment. She'd been told by the other girls about how beautiful she was and she's heard all of her adult life about how she can get any man she wanted. True, she probably could get any man she wanted, but she didn't want "any man", she wanted…him.

Dejectedly, she looks downward at her slightly weakened drink on the table. She softly mutters, "Well why can't I be the one? Why couldn't he have met me first?"

At that thought, mixed feelings came rushing through her body much like an emotional tsunami, bringing about a slight surge of pain through her chest. She started gently rubbing her chest in an attempt to rub the pain out. For all the while she was rubbing, she imagined it to be Billy's hands rubbing her like that, rubbing away all the hurt, all the confusion, and all of the anxiety. And once again, a gentle smile formed on her face. She eyed the clock on the far wall and saw that it was a quarter until 7.

She ran back to her bedroom and put on the dress. Fortunately, she was already good with makeup due to a photo shoot she had earlier. So all she had to do was brush her hair—a few good brushes and she was finished. She put on her earrings and her high-heels, sprayed a few quick squirts of perfume—the perfume that Torrie always wears. She put the bottle back in her pocketbook and looked at herself in the mirror.

She thought to herself, _"Why…why him? Why this situation? Why Torrie? I know there's no guarantee that I'll end up with him, but…I don't know. Why do I do this to myself?"_

She was still looking in the mirror when she sighed and softly said to herself, "I know I'm only bringing this on myself. Torrie set me up on this double-date or whatever. She trusts me around her husband and if she knew, even for an instant, that she really shouldn't trust me, it'd devastate her."

She stood there in front of that mirror for what seemed an eternity, although it was only ten minutes. When she usually lost herself in thought about Billy, time would fly. This time, however, everything seemed so…different. Every minute felt like an hour. She just wanted to be near him again so that all these emotions, all these feelings would come into full circle and finally form a complete image in her mind.

Just then, she heard Torrie's rather distinctive car horn beckoning her to come outside.

She took a deep, measured breath and tried her best to glue a smile on her face before she left the room. She nodded slightly and muttered to herself, "Hm…ok then, it's time to at least _see_ what can be done about this—well, if anything _can_, anyway."

After that, she gulped down the last bit of her drink, turned off the lights, and headed out the door.

* * *

To be continued… 


	2. Chapter 2

Later that evening, at the jazz club…

* * *

Torrie smiled at Maria and said, "Maria, wait until you meet your date! I promise you'll love him!"

Maria smiled weakly and nodded, feigning anticipation as best she could. For Maria, the ride to the club was almost excruciating as she couldn't take her eyes off of Billy, who was sat in the seat in front of her.

When they entered the smoky, dimly-lit club, Maria found that she still couldn't take her eyes off of Billy. Billy took Torrie's coat and placed it around the back of her chair and then sat down at the table to listen to the band, Torrie went to the ladies' room to freshen up, and Maria slowly walked over a few feet behind where Billy was seated and just stared at him.

She stared and pondered about how she could possibly find out if he felt the same way about her as she does about him. Those same confusing emotions from earlier returned in a second wave as she stood there silently. For as deep in thought as she was, it was like the band wasn't even playing and it was just herself and the man of her desires…just sitting in front of her in an empty room.

At that moment, Torrie came back with Maria's date.

"Maria, there's someone I want you to meet!"

Maria turned around and out of the shadows came her date--Christopher Daniels.

He smiled and extended his hand toward her and said, "Hi, I'm Chris. I assume, then, that you're Maria?"

Maria quickly fabricated a smile and shook his hand. She nodded and said, "Yes, that would be me. It's nice to meet you."

Chris smiled and said, "Ah, it's nice to meet you, too."

Torrie cheerfully said, "Ok guys, let's all sit down so that we can order something."

So they all sat down at the table that Billy was at. Maria thought quickly and casually sat herself down beside Billy while Torrie sat on the other side of him.

Billy smiled and said, "Hey Chris, glad you could join us, man."

Chris sipped his water and replied, "Hey bro, I'm always glad to go out on dates."

He coyly glanced over at Maria and continued, "Especially with women as lovely as Maria, here."

Maria smiled slightly and glanced downward. Billy furrowed his brow and asked, "Hey Maria, everything ok?"

Maria's eyes widened for a second and she smiled and replied, "Um, yes of course."

She smiled slyly at him and said, "Thank you for asking, Billy."

Billy, oblivious to Maria's subtle advance, smiled and glanced at Torrie, who smiled back.

Just then, the waitress walked up to their table. She handed out the menus, smiled, and said, "Good evening, my name is Angela and I'll be your waitress this evening. Can I maybe start you out with something to drink?"

Billy motioned to Torrie, and she smiled and said, "Um, yeah…lemme' have a gin and tonic—on the rocks, please."

As Torrie ordered, Maria looked at Billy smiling and waiting to place his order. Just in those few moments, another pulsation of emotion came over her. She loved the way he smiled, his posture when he was seated, and his manners—opening Torrie's car door when they arrived at the bar, taking Torrie's jacket off of her when they were seated, and letting Torrie order first. Although they were seemingly small things, they impressed her, nonetheless.

In fact, Maria was so lost in thought that she didn't even hear Billy's order.

Next, it was her turn to order. Slightly startled, she said, "Yes, uuh…I'll have a Bacardi and Coke, please."

Chris smiled and said, "And I'll just have a Ginger ale for now, thanks."

The waitress smiled and nodded, "Ok, I'll be back with your drinks shortly."

Just then, the band started playing a slow song—"Just the Two of Us", by Grover Washington, Jr.

Torrie smiled at Billy and he smiled back. Chris saw his friend smiling and snickered to himself. Maria looked on with envy and slight sadness, which led to a worried look on her face. She was worried that he'd ask Torrie to dance…and not her.

Billy smiled and said, "Torrie, would you like to dance?"

Torrie kissed him on his cheek and, in a low voice, she said, "Of course baby, let's go."

Maria glanced downward at her lap momentarily, she could feel tears about to form in her eyes. Logically, she knew that it wouldn't make any sense for Billy to ask _her_ to dance instead of his own wife, but her own wishful thinking was just that strong that it made sense enough to her.

A slight laugh escaped Billy's lips and he walked Torrie over to the dance floor. Maria remained seated at the table beside Chris.

The waitress brought their drinks to the table and asked, "Ok, is there anything else I can get you?"

Chris spoke up and said, "Uh, no thanks--not right now, anyway."

Maria took a sip of her drink and never took her eyes off of Billy and Torrie. She sat immersed in her own thoughts, in her own little world. She thought to herself, _"It should be **me** dancing with him. It should be **my** body that gets to feel his arms around it."_

She turned and shot a glance at Chris. He smiled, as did she before she turned back around and took another sip of her drink. She furrowed her brow and thought to herself, _"Chris seems like a nice guy, and yes, he **is** kind of cute…but I want Billy. I feel an unexplainable connection every time I'm around him."_

Maria was truly in her own world right now. For every time Billy dipped Torrie on that dance floor, that was just one more time that he _wasn't_dipping _her_. Just then, her world came to a screeching halt for a moment when Chris smiled and asked, "So, how long have you wanted Billy?"

Maria's head snapped around to face Chris, who was smiling and calmly sipping on his drink. Maria, mouth slightly agape, quickly glanced over at Billy and Torrie--who were still dancing—and then back at Chris.

So many thoughts raced through her head at one time. So many, in fact, that the only facial expression she could muster up was one of total shock and surprise. Chris sipped his drink and asked again, "So…how long has it been?"

Maria felt her stomach sink down into her bowels—as if she just heard that she only had six months left to live. She furrowed her brow and stammered out, "Uh…I-I don't know what you're, um, talking about."

Chris smiled and shook his head, "Well, I don't mean to pry, but I've seen the way you look at Billy. You've been preoccupied with him all night so far."

Maria just stared at Chris, she tried to form a complete thought in an attempt to explain or rebut, but just couldn't. She sighed and glanced downward, totally aghast that she'd been so obvious. Chris rubbed her back gently and said, "Eh, it's ok. Billy's a cool guy. But as you can see, he's taken."

Chris pointed toward the dance floor where Billy and Torrie were slow dancing. Chris offers, "Hey, I'll tell you what…"

Maria slowly looks at Chris and quietly asks, "Yes?"

Chris smiles and asks, "How about I tell Billy how you feel and you can talk to him privately?"

When he mentioned that, a sudden pain shot through Maria's chest. Her eyes widened out of sheer shock and she rubbed her chest gently. She quickly replied, "No! No, please don't. I-I'm not sure if I want him to know this."

Chris raised an eyebrow and explained, "I'm sorry to be so audacious about this, but from the looks of things, you and I both know you've obviously been wanting to get this out of your system—now's your chance! I can keep Torrie occupied up at the bar. All you need to do is just take your time and explain how you feel. Billy's a pretty understanding guy. I'm sure he'll be able to put all of this in perspective for you."

Maria took a couple moments to let all of this information sink in. She glanced over at the dance floor and saw Torrie kissing Billy slowly and passionately. When she saw this, she could've sworn she felt her heart stop beating momentarily. She watched them kiss, albeit for a couple moments, but to her, it may as well have been a couple hours.

Chris asked again, "So, do you think you'd be interested?"

Maria had a lump in her throat as if she felt like crying a bit. She turned to Chris and relented. She hesitated and finally replied somberly, "Yeah…go ahead. I need to use the ladies' room, excuse me for a bit."

She got up from the table and quickly made her way toward the bathroom in the rear of the building. Tears began to form in her eyes and she felt that she had to get away. Billy was out on the dance floor kissing Torrie and _not_ her. Billy didn't even seem to notice that she wore his favorite color dress…or the perfume Torrie usually wore.

She looked back at that dance floor and, through slightly blurred vision, saw Torrie and Billy slowly dancing with a look of utter pleasure and mutual longing on both of their faces.

* * *

To be continued… 


	3. Chapter 3

Maria ran back toward the restroom, the seemingly larger-than-life image of Billy and Torrie kissing filled her mind--not to mention the fact that Billy didn't even seem to notice the dress that she picked out to wear that evening.

She entered the bathroom and frantically routed through her purse for a handkerchief. The tears of hurt and jealousy that formed in her eyes felt so heavy that she felt as if they could start falling at any second. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and dabbed her eyes with the cloth to prevent the tears from running down her face.

"I'm not going to cry this time." That was all she could mutter out.

She sniffled as she looked at herself in the mirror. She questioned herself, _"Am I really ready to let Billy know the way I feel? Am I ready to possibly put my friendship with Torrie __**and**__ Billy on the line just for something that seems pretty much unattainable? Is all this emotional warfare worth it?"_

She took a deep breath and shook her head while looking in the mirror. She thought, _"I don't know why I always seem to do this to myself. Why did I agree to let this guy I barely even know talk to Billy about how __**I**__ feel?"_

She dabbed her eyes one more time and then she took a deep, measured breath to try and regain her composure. That's when she _really_ started to realize what she had just done. She finally agreed to talk to Billy about how he makes her feel, albeit indirectly.

This was what she wanted, and she was just a few minutes away from it actually happening. Even though this _was_ what she wanted, at the same time, part of her _didn't_ want to pursue this. The bottom line, despite her constantly conflicting emotions, was that she knew that this was much, much more than a crush or rather a cheap infatuation.

She knew that she wanted him—badly.

Another wave of emotion overwhelmed her body and it caused her to start trembling slightly—almost like a case of stage fright. Mental streamlines of confusion, doubt, fear, anxiety, and desire all merged together to form one big, sweeping wave of emotion that affected her to the very core.

She knew that she'd never felt this strongly about something or someone before in her entire life. Furthermore, she doubted that she could ever feel this way about anyone again. Even though the way she felt was rather clichéd in some respects, she just knew that it was the strongest emotion _she'd_ ever experienced.

For Maria, it was no longer just _being_ with Billy--it was a lot larger now. For her, it was the mere ideology behind all of this. This idea, this concept of possibly ruining a marriage, and possibly ruining one, maybe even two friendships—it was where all these emotions were really coming from. It was likened to one big cluster of stars, where the shooting stars were the different emotions that ended up hitting her, leaving craters upon her world all leading up to the literal shape she was in.

Suddenly, she heard some knocks at the door. The voice behind them was slightly familiar.

"Hey, you ok in there, Maria?"

Maria knew it was Chris. She answered, "Yes, I'm ok. I'll be out in a moment."

Chris replied, "Ok then—hey I didn't tell Billy anything yet. When you walked away, you seemed a bit unsure about doing this."

When Chris said that, Maria swallowed hard, closed her eyes, and thought to herself, _"Why am I having Chris do this? This is a very juvenile way of handling this...c'mon Maria. I'm a grown woman--I should be doing this, anyway. These are my feelings and Billy's my friend, I know I can approach him. But these mixed emotions, this-this…inevitable feeling of love that I have for him just won't go away. It would absolutely crush me if he were to turn me down and I know it! Hell, I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't even concentrate half of the time when he's around. I need to do this, I need to finally acknowledge these feelings—all this confusion. So…"_

Chris didn't get a reply, so he furrowed his brow and asked again, "Hey, are you sure that you're ok in there?"

Maria finally opened the door and came out. She glanced downward and shook her head ever so slightly and said, "Chris, thanks for offering to do this, but…this is something that I have to face. You know, unacknowledged emotions can end up breeding nasty side effects."

Chris tilted his head in curiosity. He asked, "Well, if you don't mind, may I ask what exactly you meant by that?"

Maria cleared her throat and said, "Well, this is why I have to tell him myself. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I have all sorts of problems when he's around — yet he's my friend. I have emotions that I've pretty much had to keep bottled up because I've always been afraid of possibly ruining their marriage and even losing both of them as friends. And me, keeping these emotions and feelings bottled in really isn't making my life any easier. So I know that I have to face this if I want any kind of peace in my life."

Chris nodded and asked, "Are you certain?"

Maria nodded and Chris said, "Ok then, when did you want to do this? I'd imagine you'd want to get this off your chest, like, as soon as possible?"

Once again, Maria nodded. She shrugged slightly and said, "I guess…I guess I'll have to do it now."

Chris bit his bottom lip and nodded. He said, "Ok then, Billy and Torrie are sitting at the table drinking right now. I'll just, uh, invite Torrie to the bar and I'll leave you with Billy."

Maria nodded and said, "Ok, then."

They left the back area and headed back toward the table where they were all seated. A few feet short of the table, Chris turned to Maria, raised an eyebrow, and said, "Good luck with this."

Maria nodded and said, "…thanks."

Chris approached the table and whispered something in Torrie's ear. She giggled a little bit and said to Billy, "Hey, if you need us, we'll be at the bar, ok hon?"

Billy nodded and said, "Alright then."

Chris and Torrie then headed off toward the bar. Billy was seated in the seat facing away from where Maria was standing.

She took a couple of deep breaths and muttered to herself, "…It's show time."

She glanced up toward the ceiling momentarily and approached Billy, who was really enjoying the live band. She gently placed her hand on his shoulder, blinked, and said, "Hey Billy, um…I really need to talk to you about something."

Billy looked at her with a slight concern on his face and at the same time, she was looking back at him with a sense of urgency in her eyes.

* * *

To be continued… 


	4. Chapter 4

At the table…

* * *

Billy raised an eyebrow and asked, "So…you need to talk to me?"

Maria blinked and nodded slowly.

Billy pulled out an adjacent chair and invited Maria to have a seat. Maria sat down and Billy smiled and asked, "Ok, so what's up?"

Maria knew _that moment_ that this would be one of the most difficult things that she's ever had to do. All in the span of a couple moments, Maria thought to herself, _"I'm past the point of no return. I __**have**__ to do this now. But…I don't want to potentially end up being "the other woman". Wait—stop it, Maria! Stop with the 'what-if's' and just get this done."_

She bit her lower lip and glanced down before saying, "Billy…" She sighed and continued, "there's something that I have to kinda'…get off my chest, y'know?"

Billy furrowed his brow and nodded.

Maria continued, "You know how we're friends, right? Torrie's one of my best friends, and I don't want anything to come up that may possibly…alienate myself from the two of you."

Billy raised an eyebrow and slight smile formed on his face. He nodded and said, "I understand, go on."

Maria glanced over at the bar, where Chris and Torrie appeared to be having a great time laughing together about something. She took a deep breath and continued, "Well Billy, for maybe like, a little over a year, I've been growing more and more attracted to you."

Billy blinked hard and stared at Maria in disbelief. He started, "But Maria—"

Maria closed her eyes and raised her hand to halt Billy's thought. She said, "Please…I have to say this."

Billy sighed a little and nodded. She continued, "I know that you and Torrie are married, and happily married, at that. But I can't go on another day without having told you how I feel about you."

At that time, the band started softly playing "My Cherie Amour", by Stevie Wonder.

She closed her eyes gently before saying, "You have no idea what you do to me. My god…when I'm around you, I get these…emotions. It gets quite overwhelming at times, too. Billy, ever since day one, I've loved you, and now those feelings have manifested into me being _in_ love with you. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I have trouble concentrating when I'm working. I know, I know—these are personal problems. But it's still the way I'm feeling about you. I've tried to stop it because I don't want to potentially lose either one of you as friends, or anything, but I just can't seem to help it. When I see Torrie hanging off of your arm, it hurts me just a little. But…"

She swallowed hard before continuing, "When I saw you two on the dance floor kissing like that, that…well, Billy that tore me apart. You see, _I_ wanna' feel your kisses and _I_ wanna' receive your love, and _I_ wanna' give you mine.

Billy folded his hands together, closed his eyes, and bowed his head. Maria looked away because she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Billy glanced up at Maria and nodded. He smirked slightly as if to express flattery. Maria finally found it in herself to look at Billy. When she looked up, he was already staring at her with a neutral expression on his face. They were both silent for about a good 15 minutes.

Maria grew worried. Billy hadn't said anything for the last few minutes, and his face contorted mirroring several different emotions that went through himself over the last couple of minutes. What bothered her the most at this time was that she couldn't read him.

After a couple more moments in silence, Billy finally smiled and spoke up, "Well…I-I never knew. You _do_ know that Torrie wouldn't go for this…if she heard."

Maria closed her eyes and nodded slowly.

Billy raised an eyebrow and continued, "Wow, this-this kinda' puts us in an awkward situation."

Maria furrowed her brow and focused her attention on Billy. She asked, "Well, what do you mean?"

Billy sighed and said, "Well, truth be known, you've kinda' grown on me, too."

Maria felt her heart skip a beat. Her stomach felt like it had dropped when she heard what Billy had just said with seemingly all sincerity. She blinked twice and her eyes widened a bit. She asked, "Wha-what?"

Billy nodded, "Yeah, you're a sweet woman, Maria. I've liked you since the first time I talked with you."

Maria's mouth went agape. She couldn't quite believe what she had just heard. She took a couple moments to digest what Billy had just said. A slight sensation surged through her chest and she gently started rubbing her chest while looking at Billy.

Billy continued, "I mean…Torrie makes me happy. I mean, she bends over backwards for me and everything. She's beautiful both inside and out. But…well…"

Maria hurriedly asked, "But what?"

Billy shrugged and said, "Well, I _do_ love Torrie. But the problem has always been that I never felt a…connection with her. We have great times together and everything, but the 'click', if you know what I mean, just isn't there. It-it just feels as though me and Torrie were destined to just be friends, you know? At least, that's the way I see it, now."

Maria continued to stare at Billy in utter disbelief. The more Billy talked, the more she smiled. The emotions that had plagued her before were leaving, one-by-one--no more anxiety, no more doubt, no more pain, and Maria hadn't felt this good in for what seemed an eternity. Of course, one question tugged at her even as Billy was talking—how does she keep from becoming just "the other woman"?

She glanced over at the bar and noticed that Chris and Torrie were gone. She raised an eyebrow and briefly looked around for them. Billy noticed this and asked, "What's wrong, Maria?"

Maria said, "I don't see Torrie or Chris anywhere. They were up at the bar the last that I saw of them."

Billy turned around toward the bar area and shrugged. He said, "Well, I'm sure they're around here somewhere. But…"

He reached down and gently took Maria's hand. He started rubbing it gently. Maria's eyes grew wide in anticipation as Billy continued, "…_we're_ here together now."

Maria felt so happy that she became a bit giddy. But, those feelings of giddiness died down a couple notches because all of a sudden, she had another problem. Her face contorted into a slight grimace.

Billy saw this and he asked, "Maria, what's wrong?"

Maria couldn't believe what she was feeling. For the first time in this whole endeavor, she was thinking about…Torrie. She quietly asked, "Billy, um…what about Torrie?"

Billy answered almost instantaneously, "What about her? I told you, with her, I don't feel a connection and never have, I-I don't feel any kind of _active_ love. With her, the love is pretty much stationary. It's like I said before, Maria—I love her, but I don't think I'm _in_ love with her."

Maria realized a funny thing at that moment—we always want what we shouldn't have, and in those situations that we actually get what it is that we shouldn't have—it doesn't feel quite right actually having it. However, as badly as Maria wanted this, she quickly shrugged that idea off.

She nodded and said, "I understand, Billy." She swallowed hard before she continued, "You know, I've wanted you for so, so long—an eternity, it seems."

Billy smiled and said, "Yes…I sort of know how you feel."

That instant, a question came to her mind. She furrowed her brow and said, "Um…I know that this is sorta' off-topic, but I have to ask—why'd you marry Torrie?"

Billy nodded and said, "I think I can understand your reasoning for asking that." He took a deep breath and said, "Well, when I was dating Torrie, we got along so well that I thought that it'd be a good idea if we were to spend the rest of our lives together. I mean, after all, we were living together, anyway. So, I figured, 'why not?'. When I asked her to marry me, I thought that I had a firm grasp on what love really was—I just knew that I loved her and I felt that that was basis enough to ask her to marry me."

Maria nodded slowly. As Billy was talking to her, she hoped that if something actually came to fruition between her and Billy that he truly knew by now what love really is. That thought process brought about a concerned expression on her face. She started to wonder, even though a bit prematurely, _"What if Billy will do something like this to me? What if—"_

She shook her head a little and thought to herself, _"Here I go again with the 'what-if's'. Billy will finally be mine and I'm sitting here doubting again."_

Billy noticed the concerned face that Maria had and he drew closer to her gaze and he asked, "Maria, what's wrong? This is what we both really want, isn't it? I mean—I know, without a doubt in _my_ mind, that I can really love you and care _for_ and _about_ you."

Maria nodded somberly. Billy eagerly continued, "Being with Torrie has really shown me a few things. I found out what love was and now that I know what it _truly_ is for me, I'm more than willing to go to any length to find it. And, Maria…I believe that, with you, I can find that love that seems so elusive for so many people. But it doesn't _have_ to be elusive for either of us."

Maria looked intently into Billy's eyes and she asked, "Well, what are you saying?"

Billy tightened his grip on Maria's hand and he said, "Maria, I know that we can grow together and love together. It'd be wonderful. I'm just so glad that you came and talked to me about this, because I now know that you're the one my heart aches for. I _feel_ a connection with you. It's a connection that I feel can lead to an _active_ love with you."

Maria gasped slightly and a whole new stream of thoughts went rushing through her head. She got what she wanted, but was it right? Would she be ok when everything's said and done? How could she do this to one of her best friends? There was no question--she truly realized that these emotions were very selfish, but at the same time, they were very human. Doesn't she have a right to happiness, just as everyone else? She glanced downward momentarily and then looked at Billy, who was staring intimately at her eyes.

She nodded slowly and a smile formed on her face.

* * *

To be continued… 


	5. Chapter 5

Meanwhile, outside of the club…

* * *

The night air was cool. A gentle breeze blew through her locks. She smiled at him and he returned a smile. He put one arm up against the wall beside her. She lowered her head momentarily and then returned her gaze toward him as he stood there and smiled.

He raised an eyebrow and asked, "So, what do you say?"

She giggled slightly and asked, "About what?"

"You know, what I asked you a few minutes ago."

She smiled, blushing as he stood there waiting for her to answer. She knew she liked him, she was always telling her friends how cute he was and how when they first met, she immediately felt drawn to him.

She sighed and the smile started to dissipate. She glanced downward, and, all in the course of a few moments, all sorts of feelings started to race through her mind.

She thought, _"Damn, I'd love to just be able to go through with this, but if I did, I'm not certain if I could even face myself in the morning. As a matter of fact, it'll ruin a marriage—MY marriage!"_

She glanced up at him. He raised his eyebrows in anticipation of an answer. She sighed and brushed her hair away from her eyes. Her face contorted into a slight frown.

He noticed this and asked, "Torrie, what's wrong? I thought that this was—"

Torrie cut him off, "Chris, I-I…could you give me a couple more minutes to _really_ think this through?"

Chris held his arms up and nodded. He lit a cigarette and waited patiently nearby.

Torrie took a deep breath and looked around aimlessly at the tall buildings surrounding her, the lights on inside most of them. She thought to herself, _"Billy treats me so well…I love him, I couldn't possibly do this--or __**could**__ I? I mean, he doesn't __**have**__ to know, does he? No, no, what the hell am I thinking?"_

Torrie knew how Chris made her feel. Every time she was near him, these intense feelings of lust and desire would creep into her system and eventually take over her state of being. She knew that she had to get Billy to ask her to dance earlier because those…feelings--those intruding, extramarital, and at the same time, _wonderful_ feelings—those feelings would come about and she'd be lost in her own world of lust.

She glanced over at Chris, who took a puff of his cigarette and looked up the street toward traffic that passed by. After a couple moments, she gazed down the street, away from Chris.

She thought to herself, "_Damn, Chris looks so good in that sport coat. I love the way his muscles just fill it out. His pants are cuffed, ironed, and tailored perfectly. I'd soooo love to see what's under all those clothes--but, I know it'd be wrong. I'm married to Billy and I love him—no, I'm IN love with him. However, I know I'm in __**lust**__ with Chris. Why does this shit happen to me? I'm happily married, my husband seems to try his best to keep me happy, and he's such a gentleman. Billy's like no man I've ever met, but why? Why am I lusting over Chris? It doesn't seem right—but, well…yeah, it does."_

She stood against that wall for hours, it seemed. Although it wasn't any more than 10 minutes, realistically. Emotions of differing colors, frequencies, patterns, and effects were all making a resounding noise throughout her body. The noise from all of this emotional conflict caused her to bend over a little and just put her arms over her ears for a couple moments. She then closed her eyes slowly so that she could regain her composure.

Chris noticed this and he gently put his hand on her back and gently started rubbing. He asked, "Torrie, is everything ok?"

Torrie hesitated for a moment and stood upright. She slowly met Chris' gaze and she replied, "Yeah, I'm ok, just-just gimme' a few more minutes."

Chris nodded and said, "Hey, I'll be at the bar ok?"

Torrie nodded and Chris went back inside the restaurant.

There she was. She stood outside, leaning against the building. She knew that nothing good would come of this—for her, anyway. She knew that she didn't love Chris, she knew that she didn't have any intentions of possibly ruining her happy marriage, but she also knew that her feelings of lust were so powerful that she started to entertain the thought of "maybe if I do this, it'll just be once and done and Billy doesn't have to be any wiser".

Torrie slowly shook her head. She blinked and thought, _"No, no…I--Well, here I am. I'm a married woman. I __**tell**__ everyone I'm happily married, I __**flaunt**__ that very fact, and __**yet**__ I lust after another man. Why does this have to happen to me? Yes, I know that I have the right to be happy in life, but I __**am**__ happy in life. I have a husband that respects me, that treats me right, and loves me properly. So, what am I lusting after Chris for?"_

She sighed and smirked slightly. A dreamy feeling came across her body and she thought, _"Well, maybe I'm lusting for his muscles against my body. Or, perhaps to feel those big, strong arms around me—like a 'gate of muscle' protecting me and making me feel safe. I saw his legs that one time when I saw him getting out of the pool at the gym. I know that if I slept with him, I probably wouldn't be able to walk afterward. But…I love Billy. I mean, so what if he's not physically built like Chris? Body isn't everything…but to me, it's always been very important--Oh c'mon, Torrie! Why are you even entertaining this? __**You're**__ married, __**he's**__ not, and __**that's**__ the way it is."_

Torrie shook her head. She knew that she shouldn't do this…and she thought that she wouldn't, but she was so unsure. She bit her bottom lip and looked inside the window. She saw Chris at the bar, sipping on a drink of some sort. Once again, she saw how when he took a breath, his bulging, rippling muscles would expand and detract—and she knew how she loved that.

She watched him as he sipped on his drink, patiently waiting for her to come back with his answer. He asked her if she would be willing to sleep with him. She knew that he was _supposed_ to be friends with Billy, but this wasn't very friendly—this was selfish. And she knew that it was selfish of _her_ to have Billy in her life, treating her like an angel—and then wanting Chris as, pretty much, a sex toy. In other words, having her cake and eating it, too.

She glanced downward and feelings of guilt and shame rampaged through her body like a herd of buffalo. A surge of pain ripped though her body like a bullet through a piece of paper. She gently rubbed her chest trying to ease the pain brought about by the guilt and sadness.

She took a deep breath and regained her composure. She said to herself, "Well, I have to go in and tell him. I have to go in and tell him that I'm happily married and that Billy is supposed to be his friend. I have to tell him that this just wouldn't be right if we slept together—even for a one night stand."

She told herself that--simultaneously coaching herself into what she felt was the proper aspect to take in this matter. She looked through the window again at Chris. She felt her mouth involuntarily watering. She caught herself and blinked a few times. She thought, _"No! I'm __**going**__ to do this. But what if I weaken? What if I end up letting him talk me into sleeping with him? Have my feelings of lust for Chris __**actually**__ taken over my mind and body? In fact, being that I've even entertained that proposal for __**this**__ long even has __**me**__ wondering about how happy I really am in my marriage."_

She glanced up the street and slowly opened the door to the club. She sighed and held the door open a few moments and glanced down.

She wondered, _"Am I making the right decision? I __**love**__ Billy, but I don't __**lust**__ after him necessarily. I feel like I need someone to love __**and**__ lust after. Billy loves me and I love him in return. But when we __**make**__ love, Chris is all I think about. I pretend it's him and it just gets me off soooo much faster. __**WAIT!**__ What the hell am I saying? I __**have**__ to do this, and I'm going to do this __**now**__!" _

* * *

To be continued… 


	6. Chapter 6

In the doorway…

* * *

Torrie silently closed the door back to do some more soul searching outside. She knew that there were still too many conflicting emotions to deal with. She thought she knew what she wanted to say and she knew that she was close to an answer, but she also knew that she couldn't give Chris an honest answer yet. Part of her wanted Chris more than she wanted her next glass of water, but the other part of her—the dutiful wife, knew that it was wrong.

Inside the club…

* * *

Christopher Daniels sat at the bar, staring blankly at his now-empty glass. Manipulative, self-serving, but accommodating thoughts crossed through his mind. He knew that Billy had been confiding in him about how things were going with Torrie. He had to listen to Billy basically plead for a way, an idea, a clue on how to get out of his marriage without losing Torrie as a friend or without looking like the bad guy in all of this.

He motioned to the bartender for a refill. The bartender returned with his drink and he sipped it. He gently swirled the glass around and thought about what he asked Torrie to do. He glanced at the doorway, anticipating Torrie's entrance.

He nodded to himself and thought, _"Hey, maybe Torrie will actually do this? I mean, after all, every time I come around, she's like, extra nice to me and all."_

He thought again and curled his upper lip slightly. _"Wait—aw damn, she's pretty much like that with everyone. Hm, she's a sweet girl, anyway. And besides, I'll be…sort of…getting Billy out of this, right? Yeah, sure…that's it—I'll be getting Billy out of his marriage—well at least this is a step in that direction."_

After that thought, he took another swig of his drink. He turned around and looked over where Billy and Maria were. He saw them in the distance getting up and leaving together. He saw them laughing and Maria was clinging to Billy's arm as if she were glued to it. He saw them start to leave out of the front entrance and his eyes grew wide.

He quickly put his drink down and scrambled over to them to intercept them. Billy looked up and asked, "Hey man, what's up? You come charging over here—what's wrong?"

Chris glanced at Maria and said, "You should probably go out the back entrance—Torrie's out front."

Billy and Maria glanced at each other and then back at Chris. Billy smiled and said, "Hey, thanks man! C'mon, Maria, let's go."

Billy and Chris shook hands and Maria discreetly gestured toward the outside where Torrie was and Chris winked and nodded, as if to indicate having everything under control. Maria smiled and looked at Billy, who returned the smile and led the way out of the back of the club.

Chris returned to his seat at the bar and started thinking, trying to convince himself that he was doing the right thing. He knew what he was doing was risky. He knew that Billy never directly asked him to do this. More importantly to himself, however, he knew that _he_ wanted to do this--period.

The moments he spent waiting for Torrie to return with his answer were excruciating. The seconds he was waiting felt like minutes and the minutes felt like hours. He has always been very good at hiding his feelings by putting up a cool front. And he knew he'd normally be a cool person in situations like this one, but for some reason, it was different this time.

He took another swig of his drink and a slight chill swept over his body. He started to feel as though maybe he'd gotten in over his head because he actually cared about Torrie. She wasn't just another piece of tail for him to brag to his friends about having. Torrie was different, she was special, and she was…his best friend's wife.

No matter how he tried to convince himself that Billy wanted this to happen, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that he would be doing his friend a favor, and no matter how much he tried to convince himself that he'd be the catalyst that keeps everyone friends in all of this, he knew that, at the end of the day—Torrie was _still_ his best friend's wife.

He slowly massaged his brow and thought to himself, _"Ok, if I'm going to do this, I just have to keep calm. I can't flip out or break down or anything like that. C'mon Chris, you can do this, just breathe."_

Chris took a deep breath, but the exhalation was a bit shaky, as if he were nervous about something. He took another swig of his weakening drink and a few moments later, the effects of the alcohol brought about a new, albeit artificial, burst of courage and bearing about his being.

He took another deep, measured breath. He furrowed his brow and thought, _"Now come on—what am really worried about here? It shouldn't surprise me if she refuses my offer—after all, she's married. I mean, the worst she can say is 'no'."_

At that realization, Chris' confidence was boosted—at least for a few seconds. Then, his face contorted into a somber expression. He thought again to himself, _"Wow…the worst she can say is…'no'. I really like and respect Torrie. I __**honestly**__ would treat her right—not to say that Billy __**doesn't**__, but, well…I just feel that __**I**__ could truly, truly appreciate what she has to offer without desiring someone else. Her telling me 'no' would be pretty painful, to say the least."_

Chris looked at the live band on the stage, but it was like he was looking _through_ them rather than _at_ them, being as immersed in thought as he was. He slowly took another swallow of his weakened drink, which was mostly water and rum by then. He slowly shook his head and sighed.

He glanced up at the ceiling and thought to himself, _"Look at this picture. It's almost as if I'm—hell, ALL of us are playing a game with two peoples' marriage. Mutual friends are getting married seemingly without any real basis for it. And now, I'm caught in the fucking middle of it! I know it's wrong to interfere with a marriage, but what the hell am __**I**__ supposed to do? Billy's always coming to __**me**__, confiding and wishing that he hadn't entered into marriage to begin with. I don't see any other friends of ours in this position. It's almost like I was…placed here to do this. It's interesting, but a bit fucked-up. I mean, I know I could've turned down the date, but I had no idea that all of this was going to happen. Hell, if I'd have known, I probably wouldn't have come tonight. Shit, why me? Why now? Why Billy? Why Torrie? Why…"_

Chris closed his eyes tightly for a few moments and tried to regain his composure. He bowed his head a little and thought, _"C'mon…let's suck this up and move on. Whatever happens, happens…or __**doesn't**__ happen—whatever."_

Chris tried futilely to remove his feelings from this. He knew that if Torrie rejected his advance, he'd be hurt. He knew that it'd likely scar his confidence and that it'd most likely stunt his inner being. Here he was on the outside--a physical specimen. If Torrie rejected him, he knew he'd still be a physical example on the outside, but on the inside…on the inside, he'd be weakened, made small. His inner walls would've taken a serious hit and would likely start to crumble, and it would've exposed his weakened state all the more.

At that thought, a worried feeling came over his body. His head felt kind of light and his shoulders tensed up. He breathed deeply and gently closed his eyes. He knew that this wasn't "just any girl" that he asked to come to bed with him—this was Torrie. A woman that he respected—although asking her to sleep with him didn't exactly convey that message.

He knew that whether this was right or wrong, it no longer mattered. His feelings came out and now he had Torrie outside in all sorts of emotional turmoil. He had no idea just what he put her through with just a seemingly simple question. He did, however, realize what it did to himself. Furthermore, he knew that he was past the point of no return—he was officially…involved.

At that moment, Chris felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. He turned around and his heart started beating fast. He swallowed hard and stammered, "He-hey Torrie, have a seat."

Torrie slowly sat down at the seat next to Chris and never looked away from him. Torrie had a neutral expression on her face. Chris saw Torrie's blank expression and he felt his mouth dry up a bit because he couldn't read her expression and it made him more nervous than what he already was.

Torrie glanced downward momentarily, looked upward at him, leaned in and quietly said, "Um…yeah, we need to talk."

Chris looked back at her and nodded, stroking his chin.

* * *

To be continued… 


	7. Chapter 7

At Billy's place…

* * *

Billy took off Maria's coat and then his own. He turned to her and said, "Go ahead, have a seat and…make yourself at home."

Maria smiled slightly and nodded. Billy went into another room to hang their coats. The brief time that Billy was gone, Maria looked around the all-too-familiar décor of her best friend's home.

She stood in front of the doorway in silence for a few moments, all sorts of thoughts raced through her head all at one. Each thought felt like it had a different voice. All these voices screamed in different octaves. They seemed to be telling her TO go through with this, to NOT go through with this, to leave NOW—all sorts of things.

She gently closed her eyes and quickly shook off all of those stray thoughts. She finally took a seat on the couch. She bit her bottom lip and pondered to herself, _"Well, here I am. It looks like I'm finally going to get what I've desired for so long. Something that's been deprived from me for too long, something…someone, someone that I've desired for as long as I can remember. And to think—he's only in the next room…damn."_

She took a deep breath and she heard Billy doing some scrambling around in the back somewhere. It sounded like he was in the kitchen. She briefly turned around and squinted. She was trying to hear exactly what was going on back there. After a moment, she shrugged and turned back around.

She took a couple moments to recall the seemingly long ride over to Billy and Torrie's house. She remembered feeling nervous, relieved, saddened, and happy all at the same time. She remembered how she barely said a word the entire trip over. Most of all, she remembered how all those feelings and emotions culminated into one big feeling of guilt. That's right—guilt. She felt guilty--but strangely enough, entitled at the same time.

She crossed her legs and furrowed her brow. She thought to herself, _"I __**know**__ this is wrong, I __**know**__ that this is my best friend's marriage, and I __**know**__ that Billy's wrong for going along with it, but…well, what about me? __**I**__ deserve to be happy and so does Billy. Being with me makes Billy happy and…being with him makes me ecstatic. Oh god, here I go again. I'm fretting; I'm thinking the worst when the best thing to ever happen to me so far in my lifetime is __**about**__ to happen to me. Snap out of it, Maria!"_

At that thought, she saw the lights in the room dim a little. She looked around and didn't see anything. She carefully called out, "Uh…Billy?"

Then, the stereo came on. The volume was rather low and the music seemed but a whisper. The song that played was "In a Sentimental Mood", by John Coltrane. She immediately recognized the opening keys. Her mouth slowly formed into a smile. She turned around toward the back kitchen area once again. She saw Billy, who was standing in the kitchen doorway, leaning against a column.

In one hand, he had an ice bucket with a bottle of wine tucked neatly within. He was wearing a silk robe and holding the remote control to the stereo in his other hand. He slowly sauntered over toward Maria, taking slow, careful steps. Maria stood up and anxiously but nervously watched him approach her.

Maria saw Billy drawing closer to her as the music played softly in the background. She felt her heart beating so hard and so fast that she thought that it might just explode inside her chest. She felt a slight pain surge through her chest and she gently and slowly rubbed over where the pain was, never taking her eyes off of Billy, who was still slowly and seductively approaching her. She swallowed very hard and felt herself blush.

She knew that the tingling in her cheeks, likened to a fire, could only be extinguished by Billy's kiss. She had waited for this moment for what seemed like ages. She wanted to feel his lips against hers so badly. She thirsted for the feel of Billy's body against hers. She felt much like someone crossing a desert—that desert being loneliness, the lack of proper romance, and jealousy—that desperately needed a drink of water—that "water" being Billy's kiss upon her lips and upon her body.

All those times that Torrie paraded around with Billy—Maria knew that normally, people would've been happy, they would've congratulated Torrie on her marriage, but not Maria, no, no—to **her** Torrie was parading Billy around in front of her as if to say _"I took your water and you have to be happy that I did it. Yeah, I know it's YOUR water, but you can't take it back from me." _She knew, logically, that that was never Torrie's intent, but because of her desire for Billy, that was just the way she perceived it.

That voice, that…inner voice repeating itself and mocking her, mocking her feelings, and turning this into somewhat of a challenge to CLAIM her "water". She felt as though that NOW, NOW she could accept this challenge that she somehow contorted this situation into. She smirked at the idea that not only could she ACCEPT the "challenge", but she could NOW accomplish it.

With every thought that Maria had racing through her mind, Billy drew closer and closer. After a few moments, Billy approached her. Billy never took his eyes off of Maria as he gently sat two wine glasses down on the coffee table. Maria started to draw in closer to him to try and go for a light kiss. Billy drew away slightly and just smiled. He sat down slowly on the couch and patted the seat next to him, beckoning Maria to sit next to him.

She did so and Billy leaned over toward her and said, "This song…it's always been a favorite of mine."

Maria smiled and replied, "…mine too."

Billy glanced downward and said, "Maria, I can't begin to tell you…"

He paused and gently ran his fingers through her hair. He continued, "…how beautiful you look…tonight. When I ran my fingers through your hair, it felt like a whisper of the wind between my fingers—your hair is just so soft. And I love you in that dress, Maria."

Maria grasped her chest and started to take deep, measured breaths. She glanced downward momentarily and looked back up at Billy, who had a smile on his face and a relaxed expression in his eyes.

She finally leaned in toward him and whispered gently in his ear, "Billy, I just…I've been waiting for this for so long and—"

Billy raised an eyebrow and gently stroked one of Maria's earlobes. She smiled and swallowed hard.

She said, "—I finally have you."

* * *

To be continued… 


	8. Chapter 8

Meanwhile, back at the jazz club…

* * *

Chris looked anxiously at Torrie. He felt his heart pounding inside of his chest as he awaited her answer. He had asked her a seemingly simple question, but he knew that sometimes the things that appear the simplest can end up being the most sophisticated—this was one of those situations.

Torrie looked back at him and blinked. She sighed and said in a low tone, "Um, Chris…I-I've really been doing some thinking about what you asked me a little while ago—"

Chris, with a slightly somber expression on his face, interrupted her, "Torrie, look…I-I—"

Torrie closed her eyes and put up her hand to silence Chris. Chris saw this and nodded. He took a swig of his drink. Torrie glanced downward momentarily and said, "Now, about what you asked me a little while ago…"

She raised an eyebrow and asked him, "You DO realize just what you asked me to do, don't you?"

Chris swallowed hard and nodded slowly. He couldn't forget how this whole situation made him feel inside. He just knew that he honestly _wanted_ this woman. For Chris, every time Torrie came around him, the storm in his world would come to a halt and rays of sunshine would emanate down on him from a seemingly heavenly source—even if for but a few moments.

However, this time was a bit different. He asked Torrie if she'd come to bed with him. He realized that this was his attempt to add some longevity to his sunshine. To him, it was nice that the sunshine came every _once in a while_, but he, like most people, wanted to find a way to keep that sunshine going. He thought that asking Torrie to bed with him would be the way to go, or at least a step in the right direction. He also hoped that by trying to move _his_ storm clouds out of the way and keep his sunshine going, that he wouldn't get struck by lightning in the process. He knew not to try and manipulate nature, but he couldn't resist an attempt at it.

Torrie sighed and said, "Chris, you know I'm married to Billy. I love Billy, and I-I just feel that I shouldn't cheat on him."

Torrie glanced downward and thought to herself, _"I can't cheat on Billy, but who am I trying to convince? Chris…or myself?"_

Chris felt his heart sink. He blinked hard and shook his head slowly. He looked at Torrie and quietly said, "Torrie, are-are you sure? I mean, really…"

Torrie looked at Chris with an apologetic look on her face. Chris leaned toward Torrie and looked into her eyes. In the span of mere moments, a few poignant thoughts raced through his head.

He knew now that it couldn't end like this—not after all the worry and anxiety he'd been going through. He knew that something had to come of this. He knew that that was his own selfish thinking coming out there, but at that time, Torrie had rejected him, his heart felt as though it had been hit with a sledgehammer, it ached so badly. He knew that this, his ego, was all he had left at this point.

He didn't want Torrie to see him vulnerable. He didn't want to _be_ vulnerable. However, at a time like this one, he knew that this would likely be the only shot he'd have at getting his dream girl. He knew that she could reject him now and he could try again up the road, but it would just be awkward and sad by that point. He had to salvage this now. He knew that Torrie was the only brick layer that could repair the walls that had just been torn down, leaving his tender heart exposed.

He was willing to rebuild those walls, but this time, instead of building them up with no door, he thought he'd rebuild them _with_ a door…and he had every intention of giving Torrie the key to that door, behind which his heart was housed.

He gently took Torrie's hand and he saw Torrie's eyes follow his hand. He said, "Torrie, I may as well get this out now. It's something that I have to face here."

Torrie furrowed her brow and Chris continued, "Torrie, I've wanted you since the first time I met you…"

At that time, the band started playing "My Funny Valentine", by Pieces of a Dream.

Chris glanced over at the band and then back at Torrie, whose mouth was agape in disbelief.

Piercing thoughts raced through Torrie's mind. She knew that she lusted after Chris, but that was all it was…lust. She just found out something that blew her mind and this man didn't look as though he'd finished. She took a deep breath and nodded slowly at Chris. She didn't know if she could mentally handle all of this tonight, but she was willing to give it a try.

Chris gently closed his eyes and, with a very sincere voice, continued, "Torrie…you are so beautiful. Tonight, when I had asked you to come to bed with me, I-I was hoping…wishing that you'd say 'yes'. We'd go to bed and wake up the next morning in each other's arms. You…my sunshine, I don't just want cheap sex. I want to _be_ with you, Torrie. I want you to let me love you, Torrie. I want you to let me _hold_ you…_feel _you…_taste_ you…Torrie, I-I want to…_experience_ you."

Torrie's eyes started tear involuntarily. She hadn't expected all of this. She just knew Chris as "a really cute guy who just happened to be…nice". She never knew about any of this. For all she knew, Chris never openly _or_ subtly flirted with her.

Torrie's heart started beating fast and hard. She was so taken aback that she had to take a few moments to let this all sink in—what she just heard from her husband's best friend, how Billy would possibly react if he were to find out about this, and how she'd be able to live with herself in the morning if she went through with this.

Torrie gasped slightly and muttered, "Chris, I-I…never knew. I never knew you felt…"

Chris nodded slowly; an apologetic gaze was all he could give her at that time. Torrie gently sniffled as so many real and…extramarital thoughts ran wild throughout her psyche.

Carnally, this was what Torrie wanted. She wanted to feel Chris' body gently rubbing up against hers, she wanted to feel his warm breath upon her neck and behind her ears, and she wanted to just feel his touch. She longed for it, her loins were ablaze with desire, but she felt as though she shouldn't show it. Subconsciously, she knew it was another form of a mind game, but her ego and her seemingly forced role as a "dutiful wife" just wouldn't let her show that vulnerability to Chris.

She wasn't afraid of being hurt, she was afraid that…she'd fall in love with him. Torrie knew that to love someone _intimately_ is to not only love them, but to lust after them on at least some level. Torrie definitely lusted after Chris, but…she wasn't certain that she _loved_ him. She felt as though she _could_ fall in love with him, however—and that was where the problem was.

She raised her eyebrows and Chris clearly saw that she was in thought over what he'd just told her. Torrie shook off the thoughts swirling around in her mind. She knew that she had to be thinking clearly so that she could give an answer that she wouldn't later regret. Torrie smiled slightly and Chris saw the smile and lowered his head so that his gaze met hers. He smiled in return.

After a couple more moments, Torrie's face contorted from a slight smile into a serious expression. She thought to herself, _"Ok, so that's how he feels? I-I've never heard anyone speak to me like that—not even Billy. Here I go again with these weird thoughts. Did he have to ask me this? Out of all the women to ask, why me? I have this desire, this burning in myself that, I feel, can't be quenched by anyone else's touch—not even my husband's. Chris looks and seems so sincere and I do want to sleep with him. Yes, I know I'm married…but I'm also human. I know that if I did this, I can't wind up getting caught later and then claim it was an 'accident'. Wow, there is absolutely no…cushion for this leap that I can't believe I'm even __**considering**__ attempting."_

Torrie glanced at the front entranceway and then returned her gaze downward. She looked at Chris' hand holding hers. She subtly took a couple seconds to finally pay attention to how his hands felt against hers. She gently and slowly took a deep breath and smiled slightly. Chris' hands had felt every bit as she'd imagined they would. They were strong, but very soft and relaxed at the same time. She caught a whiff of his cologne—she knew right away that it was one of her favorite scents. She knew that, somehow, she wouldn't forget that scent. Moreover, she knew that scents…_certain_ scents—the sense of smell—often linked _certain_ memories to them. While she enjoyed that whiff of his cologne that she caught, she quickly grew to realize that she didn't have any memories attached to it.

That's when the situation spoke the loudest to her. She confirmed within herself that, yes, normally certain scents _did_ invoke certain memories, but this time, she had a choice, nay, a _chance_ to attach her own memory to this scent that, in just the span of a few seconds, she had grown to love.

Torrie nodded slowly, a slight smile was all that she could muster. She felt confused emotionally, but she was very sure physically. She tried to reason with herself about how this could be made right. She tried reasoning that this didn't _have_ to be wrong. She knew that if she went with Chris, she'd be over his house—a house that Billy took her to for cookouts, parties, social gatherings, and the like. She realized that _now_ if she went, it wouldn't be for a cookout…she'd be there in a different role--to quench her physical and sexual burning with a man that _wasn't_ her husband. Not only that, but this man wanted her to stay with him.

At that moment, Chris smiled and softly said, "Torrie…"

Torrie couldn't deny it, she felt a slight chill when he said her name—it gave her goose bumps. She loved the way Chris said her name. She couldn't help but smile.

Chris noticed the smile and he furrowed his brow and continued, "Torrie, I-I know that what I said—it was a lot. But I meant every last word of it. Torrie, again, I'm not just asking you for…sex. I'm asking you to start over…with me. It's a lot to ask of someone who's happily married, but it's like a dream for me. Torrie, I can love you like you've _never_ experienced before…"

Torrie, through glassy eyes, smiled and wiped her eyes. Chris pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to her. She said, "Thanks."

Chris nodded and looked at Torrie with a look that Torrie won't soon forget. Torrie read his eyes and right then she felt that she knew that Chris was sincere in what he'd told her.

Chris cleared his throat and gently said, "Torrie, actually…I don't want to have sex with you…"

Torrie slowly glanced his way as if to ask, "Ok…what then?"

Chris hesitated and said, "Torrie…I want to make _love_ to you."

Torrie's heart literally ached because of what she just heard. The man that she'd been lusting over all this time wants to…make _love_ to her. Her mind was divided in two—the dutiful wife and…Torrie, herself.

Torrie swallowed hard and blinked. She glanced up at Chris and, once again, she wore a blank expression upon her face. Chris returned the gaze, not smiling, but with a lovelorn look in his eyes.

* * *

To be continued… 


	9. Chapter 9

At Billy and Torrie's place…

* * *

Billy sat beside Maria, knowing full well what he was about to do. In the course of just a couple short moments, a bunch of thoughts circulated in his head. He knew that, on the surface, what he was doing was considered wrong. However, he also knew that he wanted Maria very badly.

For him, this was a shot at true happiness. He knew that it could possibly hurt Torrie. He never wanted that, but it was something that he was willing to risk. His mode of thinking was that if Torrie were happy and he wasn't, what good would that be for him?

He had a glued-on smile on his face and he thought to himself, _"Here I go. I'm about to take yet another step toward my ultimate happiness. I know I'm not doing this to deliberately hurt Torrie, but what about MY happiness? I mean, well—I just know this is what I'm supposed to be doing and whom I'm supposed to be doing it with. Everything about this feels so…right, so proper, so…on time. So what am I worrying like this for? …hurting Torrie, that's what."_

Billy glanced downward momentarily. Maria noticed this and furrowed her brow. She asked, "Billy, is everything ok?"

Billy smiled a little and nodded. Maria smiled and leaned in closer to him. Billy smelled her perfume—it was the same one Torrie usually wore. Gently, he made mention of it, "Maria, I love your perfume, it's the same one Torrie usually wears. But, it just smells _so_ much better on you."

Maria was so happy, she smiled and her cheeks ached because she was so giddy that Billy noticed that little subtlety about her. The music played softly in the background and it helped Billy relax a bit.

He thought to himself, _"Well, I try my best for Torrie. I try to keep her happy, and I know that that makes me seem like a good and attentive husband, but the problem is that my heart just isn't in it. I love Torrie as a person…more like a friend. It wouldn't be fair to her for me to keep towing the line and playing the role when I know it's just not in me."_

At that thought, Billy's mouth contorted into a smile. He drew himself in closer to Maria. Maria's eyes were fixated on Billy's. Billy saw the look in Maria's eyes. He saw a look of longing, of hunger, of thirst …of desire. Immediately, he knew that that was never something he remembered seeing in Torrie's eyes. He used that reference to confirm within himself that Maria _wanted_ to kiss him and she _wanted_ to be around him and she wanted to _have_ him.

That turned Billy on all the more and it made his heart rates increase a bit. He felt more at ease possibly making love to this woman—a woman that _wasn't_ his wife. He felt justified in doing this because of his own desire for happiness. He knew that this was a selfish thought process. He knew that outwardly, he'd be essentially cheating on his wife. However, he also felt that everyone has a right to happiness in life. These thoughts he had were very human—that's why they were so imperfect, and so incomplete, and ultimately, so selfish in so many areas. He faced an agonizing fact every day—he married Torrie out of a sense of duty. They were living together at that time and so he figured "why not?". Their whole marriage was pretty much a fabrication of convenience.

He knew that that wasn't fair to Torrie—who seemed to be putting her heart and soul into their marriage, while he always felt as though he wasn't giving it his all like he was supposed to. However, while it wasn't fair to Torrie, he knew that it wasn't fair to himself, either. He figured that it wouldn't do him or Torrie any good if they were to continue like this. Then again, he also knew that she was _still_ his wife.

He thought to himself, _"Well, if I'm going to start this, may as well do it."_

He gently placed his hands on the sides of Maria's face. He slowly and passionately drew her in and their lips met. His heart was totally at ease. However, he had no idea of what he was doing to her.

When their lips met, Maria's heart started thumping against her chest. Her shoulders tensed up slightly as the elation of being kissed by the man of her dreams just overwhelmed her entire being. She let out a slight whimper as a result of this. They slowly and passionately kissed for what seemed an indeterminate amount of time. Billy's hands slowly wandered down to Maria's shoulders. Billy couldn't deny the smoothness and softness of them. He also felt just how tense they were.

He drew her closer to him with a gentle embrace. He gently kissed her on the neck and whisped softly, "Please relax, Maria. It'll be alright. In fact…"

When he said that, he moved away from her ear and looked into her eyes. Maria's body was so overwhelmed from that passionate kiss and finally feeling his embrace that she just looked back at him almost as if she were in a trance. She smiled and gently asked, "Mmmm…yes, Billy?"

Billy gently rubbed her arms and her shoulders. He said, "In fact…you'll never have to worry about love again—as long as you have me in your life. You see, it's like this—Maria, I truly, _truly_ desire you. I want it all. I want your heart, I want your soul, I want your mind, I want your body, and I even want your problems, your bad habits--_everything_ that makes you the wonderful, _wonderful_ woman that sits here before me.

When Maria heard that, a single tear rolled down her cheek. Never before had anyone said anything like that to her--let alone the man she actually wanted. She felt the goose bumps forming on her arm. Billy was still gently caressing her shoulders. He furrowed his brow and never took his eyes off of Maria. He leaned in and kissed the tear away. Then, he stood up and got in back of her. He started to slowly massage her shoulder muscles.

Maria gently closed her eyes. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so happy. She knew that love was elusive for most, but she truly believed that she found it in Billy. She enjoyed the gentle, but appropriately hard kneading of her muscles by Billy's strong, attentive, and explorative hands. Maria's inner being was undergoing a celebration of sorts—no more doubt, no more worry, no more anxiety, no more wishing from afar, no more confused feelings, no more jealousy—just no more of _any_ of that.

Maria felt all sorts of new emotions going through her being. She was finally going to be with him…tonight. Beams of happiness as bright and intense as a rainbow overlooked the horizon of her inner being. Her world seemed a lot brighter. The missing piece to her puzzle in this point in her life was all that much closer to being put in place. That's right, now that she's found that missing piece, now that she's found true romantic happiness, and now that she's laid claim to her bottle of water, she can go on and make a place for this piece of the puzzle that has eluded her for so long.

She started to slowly roll her head around to aid Billy in loosening the tension in her neck and shoulders. The lights were low, the music was playing softly, the champagne was chilled—rather cliché, but it didn't matter to her. She was just glad that she had Billy—at least for tonight. She knew that he'd expressed mutual interest in her and she still hadn't totally recovered from that. Everything about that night made her just so filled with joy. She knew that it was true joy she was feeling, not just temporary happiness.

Just then, Billy started to gently kiss Maria's left shoulder as he was rubbing it. Maria moaned softly. She turned her head and gently kissed Billy's hand. Maria's soul felt as though it was raining within her being. It was a warm and gentle rain that relaxed the tension away. Every kiss from Billy was like a gentle rumbling of thunder that resonated throughout her entire world. She loved the way he kissed her. His kisses even felt like she'd imagined they would. For Maria, every time Billy kissed her, it would reignite her burning desire for him even more so.

Billy asked, "You feel a bit more relaxed now."

Maria nodded. Billy smiled and said, "Maria, you just look so incredible tonight. I want you to let me…just let me _explore_ your beautiful body with my hands…and with my lips."

Maria's heart skipped a beat after hearing that. Once again, an impulse of pain shot through her chest. She started rubbing the pain away by gently rubbing her chest. She swallowed hard and Billy gently asked, "Do you mind if I…take the hurt away?"

Maria's eyes grew wide. She nodded and Billy's hand gently rubbed her chest in a slow circular motion. This is what Maria often dreamt about—Billy rubbing away her hurt, her pain, her confusion—everything. And here it is—happening right before her. A wave of relief swept through Maria's anxiety-scarred psyche and she slowly closed her eyes as he was caressing her.

Billy stopped and took a couple swigs of his champagne and Maria did the same. He gently took Maria by a wrist and stood her up. He slowly and carefully embraced her. They kissed again, slowly swaying back and forth as the soft, mellow music played in the background, further enhancing the mood of the room. They kissed for what, to Maria, seemed like hours. She was lost in surreal bliss as she kissed him. The reality was that they'd only been kissing for about five minutes, but again, to her, the amount of time spent wasn't near as important as it merely _happening_.

At that point, Billy took another swig of his champagne and sipped Maria some, as well. He smiled and said, "Come on, let's go."

Maria innocently asked, "W-Where?"

Billy slowly glanced over toward the back area. Maria glanced downward and then back at Billy with a pensive expression on her face.

* * *

To be continued… 


	10. Chapter 10

At the jazz club…

* * *

Torrie was feeling very torn about Chris' proposal. Her feelings of lust were very comparable to her feelings of duty as a wife, and in some ways, this bothered her. She saw the sincere look in Chris' eyes and she lowered her gaze momentarily, still trying to take all of this in.

Chris was looking intently into Torrie's eyes. However, he knew that, other than trying to win Torrie's heart, he also had to conjure up a reason for Billy and Maria's absence. He knew that he had to do this and quickly because, while he had Torrie distracted and disoriented a bit, she would eventually notice that Billy and Maria weren't there.

He knew that the longer Torrie took to think his proposal out, the more time that that brought him to generate a believable excuse. His look of sincerity was only cosmetic, for within himself he thought, _"Ok, hmm…I've got to get this over quickly. I'm sure that she'll believe that Billy went home and Maria caught a cab and she'll call her later! But anyway…yeah. Hmm…what if she wonders about why he didn't check out with her before he left? Damn! Ok, ok, calm down, Chris, you can think of something."_

His eyes never left Torrie's. Torrie was certainly taking her time figuring things out, that was for certain. On the surface, Chris knew that it was very plausible for her to be taking this amount of time. He had asked her to commit adultery. However, adultery was such a…harsh word for it all, in his opinion. He preferred to think of it as exercising one's right to true happiness and fulfillment in life—after all, if the person you're with just plain doesn't make you happy, then you go elsewhere, right?

Torrie took a sip of her drink and cleared her throat. She glanced at her watch and saw that only 7 minutes had passed by, but in her mind, it felt like 7 hours. She wondered to herself about why this had to be so tough. Should she remain sexually faithful to someone who doesn't please her in that area of their relationship? Should she try and be with the man that, every time she's intimate with her husband, she thinks about him just _once_ and she's able to climax? She knew that it was wrong—nay, _something_ was wrong because her feelings of lust _actually_ rivaled her feelings to keep up her role as the dutiful wife.

She knew that when a cold front meets a warm one, a storm starts. This was exactly what was happening to her and there was really no way that she could see to stop it. She knew that she couldn't just walk away. If she did that, she'd _really_ have a case of the "what-if's". She tried rationalizing this—making mentally-easing reasons as to why she should go through with this. She argued with herself constantly about her right to happiness in her own life. However, her role as a faithful wife just wouldn't allow her to make that move.

She thought to herself, _"Well, here I go again. I'm doubting myself, I'm confused, I fucking don't know what to do. I know that I have to face this but I-I wasn't ready yet. Chris told me that he wanted to make love to me. With Billy, I never felt that. It always felt like he was just going through the motions. But, I can't point fingers at him without pointing them at myself first. We tried talking about it and he suggested professional help. Forget that, I'm not going to some…head-reader. I'm not spending all that money for someone to point out my faults that I'm very much aware of—they're my faults, after all. This man staring at me told me that he __**loved**__ me, that he'd __**make**__ love to me—he's obviously playing for keeps…I think. Well, it seems as though he is, anyway. Damn, I just don't know."_

Torrie glanced up at Chris and took a sip of her drink with her free hand. She loved the way his hands felt as his thumb gently rubbed the back of her hand. She smiled a bit and he smiled back. She didn't know, however, the entire reason he smiled back.

He grinned and thought to himself, _"I just figured out why Billy didn't check out with her when he left! I think I'll say that when she was outside, Billy told me to __**tell**__ her that he'll be home and that Maria called a cab and went on her way shortly after Billy left. Yeah! In fact, I'll even act as though I forgot to tell her—damn Chris, you're good!"_

He smiled even wider and Torrie smiled in return. He thought, _"I __**hate**__ to have to lie to her like that, but I'm only interested in her heart. I want what's best for her; I want to make her __**truly**__ happy—to give her the love that she longs for. I know she needs it because Billy's always coming to me talking about how unhappy and unfulfilled his marriage is, although the façade of a happy home is there when they're in public. I'd go over their house—it's not a home, it's a house—and they wouldn't say a word to each other, sometimes for hours on end. Well, I'm here to put an end to that. Billy's my buddy, I hate seeing him like this. Torrie's my true love and I get sick of seeing her so lovelorn all the time. I want to be the splash of water that quenches her thirst for love as well as put out the flames that are burning this marriage down."_

Torrie sighed and spoke up, "Chris, I just…I-I don't know."

Chris' heart started beating hard and he felt his mouth start to dry up. He knew that he had to get an explanation out of her all the while, keeping the fabricated reasoning for Billy and Maria's absence in mind. He drew his gaze in closer to her and he quietly asked, "What do you mean?"

He knew that he really had her thinking about it, because, she was still letting him hold her hand. He glanced downward at his hand as did she and she never made an attempt to pull her hand away.

She gently closed her eyes and said, "Chris, I-I have to level with you. I really, really, really like you. I think about you…a lot. You're the one out of all Billy's friends that I've always wanted to get to really know…intimately. Billy does his duties as a husband, but I think that we both feel, at least somewhere, that he's going through the motions—at least sometimes."

Chris' eyes lit up slightly and he jumped right in, "Yes Torrie, with me, I'd give you all the attention you deserve and desire. And with me, it wouldn't just be routine—it'd be real…on every level."

Torrie blinked and said, "But Chris, he's my husband."

Chris raised an eyebrow and said in a slight tone of desperation, "Yes I know this, but I'm on the outside looking in. I, and I'm sure a few more of your mutual friends, have observed that you two really don't seem all that happy together. I mean, true, you don't yell or hit or curse at each other, but c'mon—you're not happy and I think you know it. I don't mean to pry, but we're friends here. Just the mere fact that you haven't taken your hand back from mine tells me something—that at least part of you wants true, real intimacy, which, on some level you think you'll find with me."

Torrie swallowed hard as Chris' face contorted into a serious expression. She knew that he was right. He was so brave in just jumping in there and laying it all on the line. He brought her eye-to-eye with this and now, she definitely couldn't run. She _still_ hadn't taken her hand back yet. She loved the way it felt and she knew it'd be foolish of her to deny it now—especially since it's been conjoined with his for even this long. There was no denying it—he had her, hook, line, and sinker.

She glanced over at the band as they'd just finished their set. A sudden thought hit her—Billy and Maria were gone. She furrowed her brow and started looking around. She squinted at two people off in the distance that resembled Billy and Maria, but she decided that they weren't the people that she was looking for. Chris was subtly looking around with her, thanks to his quick thinking.

He knew she just realized that her husband and her best friend are missing. What worried him was the possibility of her realizing that they're missing according to their "titles". Chris was hoping that "Billy and Maria" are missing rather than "her husband and her best friend" are missing.

Torrie pointed back toward their table and turned to Chris. She raised an eyebrow and asked a simple question, "Hey, where'd Billy and Maria go?"

Chris sipped his drink and readily said, "Well, Billy said that he'd see you when you got home, haha…I guess he was just ready to go home. You were outside at the time, I believe. As far as Maria…"

He shrugged and continued, "…Maria hailed a cab and she said she'd call you later."

Torrie raised an eyebrow and nodded. She said, "Hm, I see. You know, the least they could've done was to let me know they were leaving, geez."

Chis smiled uneasily after that. He was relieved that Torrie mentioned that "Billy and Maria" were gone, as opposed to "Her husband and her best friend" were gone. That tightness in his chest flushed away when Torrie dismissed those two not checking in with her as "no big deal". However, what bothered him the most _now_ was the fact that he had outright lied to the woman that he said he loves. He looked her right in her face and lied. That hurt him, bad. For as relieved as he was on one end, he was hurting that much more on the other end.

He hated lying to Torrie, but he knew that if he'd have told her the truth, Billy would be in trouble and so would Maria. In turn, _he'd_ then be in trouble with them and he just wanted to keep the peace in all of this. He knew that, on the surface, this is a lose-lose situation. He'd essentially be stealing his best friend's wife away and if it didn't work, he'd lose two good friends when in life you're fortunate to find one good, true, _real_ friend. He just knew within himself that he was _not_ going to lose friends as good as Torrie and Billy—they were just too hard to come by. He figured that the only way that this would go cleanly for himself is that if Torrie chose to go for his proposal, then he'd _have_ to take her to his place.

In the middle of Chris' relief process, Torrie smiled and said, "Well anyway, as I was saying—I really like you, Chris. And, I didn't want to admit it, but…yes, I am hungry for love. Chris, I don't want to pile on you here, but…"

Chris' eyes lit up and it felt like a new day dawning within his soul when he heard the last part of what Torrie said to him. With a cool but ecstatic demeanor, he smiled and said, "By all means, pile away, I'll listen for as long as you want me to."

Torrie breathed deeply and smiled. This time, she slowly and gently took _his_ hand in hers and she said, "Thank you, Chris. Well, since you don't mind, there are a few things that I've been wanting and needing to get out of my system…"

Chris sipped his drink and looked intently into Torrie's eyes. Torrie smiled and returned the gaze.

* * *

To be continued… 


	11. Chapter 11

Back at Billy and Torrie's house…

* * *

Maria glanced up at Billy and smiled. There were so many emotions going through her mind. She was about to realize something that she'd dreamt about for ages, it seemed. She was about to make love to Billy. She was about to feel his touch, she was about to experience his warmth, and she was about to partake of the innermost part of his being. For her, it'd certainly be making love.

Maria felt nervous, giddy, and relieved all at the same time. She was nervous because she wondered if anything could possibly come out of this. Even though Billy told her in no uncertain terms exactly how he felt, there was still something about this that bothered her. She knew that this was still her best friend's husband who she was about to sleep with, but at the same time, she felt as though she deserved to be happy in life.

Her reasoning for all of this was that since Billy wasn't happy with Torrie, and he invited her to come and share in his love, why should she turn him down now? After all the wanting, all the nervous feelings, all the jealousy, all the pain, all the grief—everything that she experienced all because Billy wasn't in her life—why on Earth would she turn him down now? This was a man that she's been after for so long now. This was a man that she'd cry herself to sleep nights for want of him next to her. Nights have gone by and she'd crawl into her king-sized bed and she'd turn over to face the other side and no one would be there. It'd just be the covers dancing gently in the wind as it blew through her window.

When she remembered watching her sheets playing like that in the wind, she couldn't help but get bothered. She remembered it looking as if her lover got up out of bed and maybe crawled out of the window to get away from her. She vividly remembered those times, but she felt that that was all behind her now. She also knew that he was still married to Torrie, but he didn't want Torrie…he wanted her.

Maria glanced downward and thought to herself, _"Oh my goodness. I can hardly believe this is happening. He doesn't want Torrie, but he wants me! ME! I wonder if it'll feel as good as it does in my dreams. I wonder if he'll make me feel safe, make me truly feel wanted, desired…needed."_

Billy gently led her toward the back where he and Torrie's bedroom is as the music continued to play softly in the background.

Maria walked along with Billy toward the back bedroom. It was only a few feet, but some conflicting thoughts turned that short journey into a rather long one. She started thinking to herself, _"I know that, on the surface—from the perspective of someone outside looking in—that this looks bad. I know that I'm going to sleep with my best friend's husband in __**her**__ bed. But, I just don't think it's anyone's right to judge me, anyway—this is __**my**__ life, this is one of __**my**__ dreams, and if anyone doesn't like it then…too bad. Billy said that he wants __**me**__ and __**not**__ Torrie. I've waited forever to hear those words come out of his mouth. It was unfair for her to have met him first, anyway. I want Torrie to be happy, but it's so obvious that Billy isn't happy with her. So, since he wants me, I'm here."_

As Maria made her way back to that bedroom, she looked around the house--a house that was very familiar to her by now. She'd been over there many times and she saw all of the pictures of families, friends, and the like. However, she was looking at those same pictures hanging on the same walls as she'd seen so many times before and this time, their meanings were very eerily different and very, very pronounced.

She saw one picture of Billy and Torrie posed together from that time that they spent that trip in the Bahamas. Torrie told her just how good of a time they had down there and how they grew closer as a couple during that trip. She remembered just how happy Torrie seemed. However, even then, it seemed as though Torrie was trying awfully hard to convince people that she and Billy were a happy couple.

A pain surged through her chest. It was brought about by a combination of residual nervousness, happiness, and sadness. It was fair to say that Maria was a woman divided. She literally felt like one side of her was red, while the other was green—opposites in color, as well as meaning. Her green side was telling her to go for it. However, her red side, the side of her that was Torrie's best friend, was firing off conflicting excuses as to why she shouldn't do this.

She realized this as she continued to walk toward the bedroom in Billy's tow. Everything was in slow motion for just these few seconds it took to reach that bedroom. That bedroom—it could be many things, it could be the beginning of heaven, or it could be the beginning of her own personal hell. Those pictures of Billy and Torrie seemed to pass by so slowly. She looked at one of the pictures and looked at Torrie's eyes. A wave of heat swept across her body because as she was looking at Torrie's eyes because they looked as though they were following her, watching her accompany Billy to bed.

She closed her eyes tightly but for a moment. She hesitated and Billy stopped. He furrowed his brow, gently took Maria's hand, and softly asked, "What's wrong, Maria?"

Maria shook her head slightly and glanced downward momentarily. She took a deep breath and replied, "Billy, I—"

Billy held up a hand and gently cut her off, "I think I understand. You're having second thoughts because of the pictures on the wall?"

Maria was silent. Billy raised his eyebrows and sighed. He said, "Well, I was glancing at them myself. I remember just how happy Torrie was when we took all those pictures. I don't know if you noticed, but I was starting to slow down. All of a sudden, I'm not sure if this is so right anymore. I-I mean, true, I do have a right to happiness and, yes, I do feel like I'm stuck in this marriage. But, on the other hand, it's like I told you before--I married Torrie out of a sense of convenience and duty. Now you and I both know that that's not a good reason to…get involved with someone's life on a marriage kind of level--I hope I said that right."

Maria looked into his eyes and asked, "Well, what are you trying to say?"

Billy took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment, and said, "Maria, I'm saying that those pictures…they're a reminder of the good times that I and Torrie had, make no mistake about that. But, those good times were _had_, as far as I'm concerned. Maria, I'm ready to do what I should've done in the first place…and be with you. Maria, let me tell you something—every day, every waking day I spend, I look at Torrie and how happy she is. I ask myself, 'why can't that be me? What am I supposed to do? Just…settle?' Yeah, I have to live with the agony of having made a poor life decision and-and possibly giving someone the false image of a happy marriage. I hate to do this to her, but in a marriage, both people have to be happy. I tried to get us some help, but she didn't want it."

Billy brushed his hair from his forehead and continued, "I tried to make this work, but, well…Maria, what I'm saying is that now is my time, this is my opportunity to finally right a wrong in my life. I'll straighten up my mistake with Torrie later; it's just that right now, I feel that I have some reconciliation to do in my own life first. As far as Torrie goes, I know that she's your best friend and you're worried for her, but I can assure you that she'll be alright after this. I'll talk to her and afterwards, Maria, I guarantee you—everything will fall into place."

Maria smiled a bit and looked intently in Billy's eyes. They looked so sincere. She was relieved, all of a sudden, she didn't feel like "just the other woman"—she felt like the heir to a throne. She knew that kings resign their crown after a period of time, presidents' terms in office expire, and now she felt that she knew that she was going to be Billy's new woman—his one and only. She was surprised to hear how conflicted he was about this. She thought that she was the only one with issues about this thing. The way he read almost every thought she had word-for-word just amazed her and renewed her confidence in him that he knew what he was doing and where he was going with this.

What made her happiest of all was when she realized that this was a dream of his, too. She was looking into his eyes and he was looking back at her, into _her_ eyes. He gently brushed his hand through her hair and said, "Maria…with me, you'll never have to be lonely again. I know what a cold bed feels like. Often times, the loneliest people are married people. When you feel as though you ended up with the wrong person and you're so deeply involved with things—a house, a mortgage, most times, there are kids involved. I don't have any children, but I can say that the wrong partner at the wrong time can make the bedroom a cruelly cold and lonely place."

Maria smiled and nodded. She embraced him gently and put her head against his chest. Softly, she said, "Billy, I know exactly what you're saying. I crawl into bed at night and roll over and that spot next to me is just so much colder than the rest of the bed. It feels like-like my house isn't even a home."

Billy sighed and said, "Well Maria, I'd like to change that for you…for the both of us. With me, our house will become our home. We'd have finally straightened out what was wrong in our lives and we can finally…live."

They stood just outside the bedroom door. Billy's back was facing the wall and Maria gently rested her head on his shoulder as they embraced, slowly swaying from side-to-side in time with the music that still played softly in the background. Maria was facing the wall and she opened her eyes slowly. Her eyes immediately gazed down at another picture of Torrie and it looked like Torrie was watching her dance with Billy.

She just continued to stare at that picture and she felt a lot better staring at the picture now that her feelings had finally been justified. She thought to herself, _"Soon Torrie…I'll be free. I just wish that you could know that I don't mean to hurt you, I don't __**want**__ to hurt you, and that I only want what's best for you. I just don't want to have to tell you that Billy wants me instead of you…I love you, Tor, but…I can't say that I'm totally sorry."_


	12. Chapter 12

At the jazz club…

* * *

Torrie felt a sense of relief and happiness, especially since the man she lusted after was willing to listen to her problems. Her heart slowed its rhythmic beating and she took a deep breath. She smiled and said, "Thank you, Chris. Thank you for being willing to listen to my problems."

Chris smiled and nodded slowly. Torrie continued, "You know, Billy doesn't always seem to be that interested in some of the things I go through. I-I mean, when I just need him to listen, it seems like he doesn't really care. However, when _he_ needs something or needs someone to listen to _him_, there I am!"

She sighed and took a sip of her drink. Chris furrowed his brow and nodded. Torrie continued, "Now, I realize that all married couples have their share of problems and you don't always feel like listening to someone vent, but—it's just very uneven, you know what I mean?"

Chris had a genuinely concerned expression on his face and he asked, "Uneven? I-I think I know what you mean by that, but if you don't mind, could you explain?"

Torrie sighed and said, "Ok, what I mean is that, while I never wanted to fall into that trap of 'keeping score', I'm afraid that I've fallen into it, anyway—I dunno', it just feels like I'm there for him more often than he's there for me. Look, remember when I told you that a lot of times, it feels like he's just going through the motions? Well, that's kind of what I was talking about, you know?"

She paused and took another sip of her drink. She shook her head slowly and stared blankly into her glass. Chris knew that he had to take this opportunity to pick up the pieces of this woman's spirit. He knew that she was frustrated and he knew that if he had any chance of ending up by her side, he'd have to act now.

A thought crossed Chris' mind as he observed Torrie through careful eyes. He knew that this was a fragile situation that could get him in or get him shut out of Torrie's life. He knew that he had to make this count, and that it was time to "just be friends" with Torrie. He just knew that he had to be friends and listen right now, above all else. He knew that sometimes the best way to the top was to take the stairs. It was the scenic route, but he figured that if he'd see more countryside, then it'd mean that much more when he reached his destination—Torrie's heart.

He blinked a couple times and Torrie turned and said, "Chris, I just can't help but feel as though…sometimes, Billy doesn't want to be married to me."

Chris' eyes widened momentarily and a slight surge of pain flushed through his heart. Billy had been confiding in him for the last few months about that exact thing. The more Torrie mentioned it, the less he wanted to remember it or be involved with it.

He felt his mouth dry up a little and, barely managing to keep from stuttering or stammering, asked, "Well, I think I can understand why you may feel that way. I mean, he acts uninterested when you have a problem that you just want someone to talk to about. He seems to expect you to be there for him when he needs someone. Finally, he acts as if he's going through the motions when he's intimate with you."

This time, Torrie took a _few_ swallows of her drink, and, in Chris' eyes, it started to look as though she was becoming a bit unraveled. Chris felt the disappointment, the despair, the frustration, and the slight drunkenness—he felt as though he and Torrie's spirits were one—except the drunkenness. He felt as though he was taking the emotional beating right along with her.

For Chris, it was so much more than just listening to her. For him, it was getting to experience—even just a little bit—of what she was actually feeling. He enjoyed putting himself in her shoes, so to say. That made him feel as though he was closer to her than ever before. It was truly likened to seeing the colors of the leaves on each individual tree in Torrie's countryside.

It occurred to him that by seeing—even if only for a glimpse—Torrie's true colors, the colors of her emotions—her trees—it would help him truly see and appreciate what made up Torrie's entire landscape. That's what he was after—he wanted to fully see and experience Torrie's heart for what he felt that it was—a beautiful Autumn landscape, complete with trees with leaves of differing colors, all contributing to the overall scenery.

Torrie glanced downward, blinked a couple times, and said, "Chris, my whole life, all I've ever wanted was a real relationship, a true romantic conquest with the man that I'd love and my love would be returned. I thought that I had that with Billy, at first, it felt as though that's what it was. Maybe it was me. Maybe I had my blinders on because all I knew was what I wanted. I go around telling everybody about my marriage and the reality is--what do I have to really show for it? I mean, I've never really even thought about it that way until now. Sure, I have a house, a few cars—just a whole lot of material possessions, altogether. I have everything to make it _look_ like a home. But I just have to face facts—at the end of the day, it's a _house_, not a home. Yeah, I got what I asked for—I got the white picket fence, I got the cars, I got the money, I got the husband—but the problem is, I have all that by definition only. And the more I think about it, the more it pisses me off!"

Chris' eyes never left Torrie's. He saw the unrest, he saw the frustration, and he saw the longing—the longing for a true, undoubting love. He felt that it was his position, nay—his _calling_, to be there for Torrie—now, more than ever, especially since he wanted to be that true, undoubting love in Torrie's life. He knew that Torrie lusted after him—she even said as much—and he was willing to build from there if he had to.

The longer Chris listened to Torrie talk, however, the more a tense feeling blossomed inside of him. He heard Torrie talking and while he was certainly glad to know she confided in him, at the same time, he was growing more and more dejected and guilty. He rubbed his chest and now couldn't find it in himself to look her in the eye anymore. He felt an intense guilt and shame over what he'd just done to this poor woman tonight—he lied to her…right to her face.

He glanced downward and Torrie snapped out of her blossoming anger just long enough to ask, "Chris? What's wrong?"

Chris felt a sharp pain rush through his chest like a tsunami sweeping through a village. He shook his head slowly and blinked a few times. He closed his eyes tightly for a quick moment and sighed. Torrie furrowed her brow. She saw something in Chris' eyes that just didn't seem right. She took a deep, measured breath and Chris licked his lips as he felt them getting more and more dry form the anxiety he was feeling.

He finally spoke up, "Um…Torrie, I don't want to contribute to any turmoil in your life and I just want us to be together—you know this. Torrie, before I tell you what I'm going to tell you, I have to say that I am one of Billy's best friends and I'll do anything for him…or you."

Torrie had a nervous look in her eyes. Chris saw Torrie's eyes start to glaze over a little. When he saw that, that made his heart sink—along with literally feeling Torrie's despair, he was really feeling Torrie's anxiety…and it was killing him inside.

Chris looked directly into Torrie's eyes and gently continued, "Torrie, tonight I-I did something I knew I shouldn't have done in the first place. Torrie, there's something that I have to tell you--it's about Billy and Maria."

Torrie started, "Billy and…Maria?"

He had Torrie's attention--that was for certain. Chris' stomach felt as though someone had hit it with a baseball bat, he was so nervous. His mouth had dried to the point where he had to clear his throat. In addition, he also knew that while admitting to this mistake, he'd risk losing Torrie's trust. However, he felt that he had a viable explanation—a sense of duty…a sense of duty to cover for one of his best friends. That's when he realized what he failed to consider before agreeing to help his friend out—he didn't think about the awkward position it'd put _him_ in when he had to come clean.

He was full of regret and he looked over at Torrie with a very sorrowful face. Torrie saw the look in his eyes and her heart started beating hard with worry.

Chris continued, "Torrie, Billy confided in me over the last few months and…I-I'm sorry to break his confidence, but I just don't want to see you like this. I know the truth about how Billy feels about you guys' marriage and I covered for him and Maria when you were out front. They left together and left through the rear exit, that's why you didn't see them leave. Torrie, I-I'm so sorry."

Torrie blinked a couple times and finished her drink. She turned and looked toward the band. She was looking at them, they were playing their songs, but she couldn't hear any of it. What Chris had just told her was the only thing resonating in her ears and in her head, and it was very, very loud.

Chris carefully continued, "Torrie, I know that-that this is a lot to hear at once, but—"

Torrie quietly cut him off, "Chris, where did they go?"

Chris' heart was beating fast. He readily said, "They went to your place. Torrie, I-I just want to apologize to you, I _know_ I shouldn't have done what I did, but Billy's my friend and, well I…"

Torrie had a blank expression on her face and she said, "You felt a sense of duty and favor to your friend to help him out?"

Chris reluctantly nodded. In a fit of desperation, he said, "Torrie, I never meant to hurt you and I can tell you that Billy didn't, either. You see, Billy's been coming to me for months telling me how he wanted out of the marriage. I never wanted to stick my nose in, I never wanted _any_ of that…Torrie, I just wanted you. In hindsight, I know that if I'd have just thought things through a little better, I wouldn't be in the position where it looks like I conspired with Billy and Maria to hurt you. Torrie, I'd _never_ intentionally hurt you like that, that's why I'm coming clean with this now. Billy told me that he was going to talk to you about this, anyway. Hell, I didn't know if he did or not—obviously he didn't. Torrie, it's just not right what they're doing to you and I just should've known better. I can't _begin_ to tell you just how sorry I am."

Torrie took a few moments to let everything register. She stared at Chris for a good 10 minutes, although to him, it seemed like 10 hours. She took a deep breath and a single tear rolled down her cheek. Without hesitation, Chris handed her a handkerchief.

Torrie had this overwhelming sense of sadness sweep through her body. It hurt her to think about this, it hurt her to face this—although she knew that this was the truth. She found out first-hand just how much truth can hurt. She lowered her head and raised it one more time to glance over at Chris, who could only offer an apologetic gaze as consolation.

Chris swallowed hard and carefully said, "Torrie, I want to be the one you love. _Your_ life is about what _you_ want. I want to be the man in your life that-that turns your house into a _home_. Torrie, I know that you probably don't want to hear this now, but my love and affection for you runs deeper than the universe. I want every part of you, Torrie. You can love me and I'll love _you_ in return. No games, no bullshit—just our love, growing together. You'll never hurt like this again. I shouldn't have covered for him, but that was _my_ mistake and I take _full_ responsibility for it. I just wish I could turn back the hands of time and…and…Torrie, I love you, _I'm_ the one who'll listen—just like I did tonight. I'll listen as long and as often as you want me to—Torrie, I just want your heart and I'm aching--do you hear me?--_aching_ to give you mine."

Torrie nodded slowly, sighed, and glanced at the floor. She knew that Chris was sincere, but whether or not he _meant_ to hurt her, he _did_ hurt her. After a few moments, a strange sense of relief came about her. She was still hurt, but the pain was nullified. It felt as if a door was opened, creating a way for her to move on after she reconciled this situation before her.

Her eyes watering up again, she looked over at Chris and stammered, "Ch-Chris…I know you're sorry, a-and I believe you. However, I need to talk to Billy…now."

She dabbed her eyes with the handkerchief, sniffled, and with a neutral tone in her voice, said, "C'mon, let's go. I know that if I'm going to move on", She took a deep, albeit, shaky breath, and said, "I have to acknowledge this."

Chris left to retrieve Torrie's coat. Torrie sat at the bar, her emotions a kaleidoscope of colors, feelings, and the like. She didn't know what to believe anymore. This turned her whole world upside down—to the point that it felt as though her sun was rising in the North and setting in the South.

* * *

To be continued… 


	13. Chapter 13

Meanwhile, at Billy and Torrie's place…

* * *

Billy gently broke his embrace from Maria. He looked in her eyes; emotions were running wild within him. These emotions that seemed lost for so long and now…now they were finally found—and with a person that _wasn't_ his wife. On the surface, Billy knew that he was cheating on his wife. That thought brought him down a little, but the elation that he felt as he enjoyed a brand new day in his life—that feeling, that emotion itself just overrode any doubt that he had in his heart. He felt it a new beginning of sorts to have someone in his life that he honestly loved and honestly felt no necessary sense of duty to be with…or even marry--yet.

He thought to himself, _"Oh Maria, if only I could express the relief I feel in my heart."_

Billy's body started to feel a little tender inside. Emotions and newly acquired feelings all seemed to careen into his heart all at once at high speed and it felt like his body couldn't quite absorb the admittedly hard impact. This resulted in an impulse of numbness that swept through his body. The joy he felt for discovering _true_ love, the relief he felt for finally finding what he thought was the perfect woman for him, and the subtle grief he felt in his heart for cheating on his wife—these emotions combined to create that feeling of numbness.

He was unsure how exactly to resolve the black and white nature of his psyche. A thought crossed his mind, however. He thought, _"Well here I am, with Maria. And, there's only one way I know of to make this right—I have to do this. It's time that this part of my life is dismissed."_

A sincere look came across his face as he looked into Maria's eager eyes. He blinked and started gently rubbing her shoulders. He smiled slightly and said, "Maria, you are so, so, beautiful--the way your eyes just sparkle like a freshly fallen rain on the surface of a lake. Maria, it…it's strange, really—I've seen it happen to a few other people and I've often wondered how they could do something like this…"

A slight look of concern came over Maria's face. Billy continued, "…Maria, often I've wondered how any man could cheat on his wife. I've wondered about finding love at all the wrong places and at seemingly the wrong times. However, with you—whew, with you, I-I just feel like it couldn't have come at a better time in my life."

Maria blinked slowly and softly cooed, "Billy, it's okay. We-we all write chapters in our lives that eventually have to end. That's why they're _called_ chapters. We both know that all things come to an end eventually. We're not perfect people—now, I'm not saying that that excuses wrongdoing, but when someone discovers something within themselves to help them live even a little better than before, they'll always make that leap. And Billy, I've never been more ready to make that leap—and make it with you."

As Maria spoke, those residual feelings of doubt and grief flushed themselves out of his heart and a smile began to form on his face. He felt uplifted, invigorated, and encouraged by this woman that he fell more and more in love with as the words of her mouth massaged and soothed his ailing heart.

With a wide and gentle smile on his face, he spoke up, "Maria, what you just told me…Maria, your words have melted my heart like it was butter. Understand, just to look in your eyes and actually feel what it is you're feeling just comforts me to my very core. Maria, you-you're never going to be 'the other woman'. I can say with all honesty, for once in my life, I have found a true and honest love…in you."

He gently brushed the back of his fingers through her hair. He glanced downward momentarily and said, "Maria, I want to make love to you. I don't want to just make love to your body--I want to make love to your heart, soul, and mind. And think, we both can breathe easy because we both realize that it's not just sex…but it's _finally_ love—true, pure love in it's most natural form."

Billy turned around slowly toward the master bedroom. He winked at Maria and said, "Come on, I want to show you just how much I love you. There are just some things that words can't quite convey the meaning of."

Maria blinked and smiled, her eyes glazed over in her own personal joy that all of this has finally come about, all of this has finally been addressed, and now…now she finally gets to put true depth into her vast ocean of feelings.

He took Maria's hand and led her into the bedroom. 20 minutes passed and if you were to be standing out in the hallway, you'd hear Maria's soft moaning that seemed to echo throughout the house. Months of longing and desire were prevalent in each grunt she emitted. Each distinctive moan seemed to have its own story attached to it—moans of pleasure, moans of relief, moans of desire, and moans of pure ecstasy.

The door was closed, but the music from the stereo that was left on continued to play until the CD was played out. After the CD played out, the house grew quiet, except of course, the soft sounds of pleasure that emanated from the master bedroom.

Outside however, Torrie pulled up in the driveway as did Chris. Chris turned off his headlights and Torrie asked him to stay in his car. He did so and Torrie went inside the house quietly and carefully.

She went inside and she saw the lights were dimmed, she saw two champagne flutes on the coffee table, and she faintly heard Billy's grunting coming from the direction of her bedroom. Torrie felt as though she knew what to expect were she to go back there and attempt to confront him.

She took a deep breath. A wave of pain flushed through her body in such a magnificent swirling motion that she felt her heart rate increase noticeably. She blinked and glanced at a picture of herself and Billy when they went to Disneyland a few years back. However, she knew within herself that she was wrong, too. She knew that she was very open to sleeping with Chris even before she learned of this situation.

Although, she couldn't help but feel a little self-righteous because she didn't act on it first—Billy did. A pain surged through her chest as she eased her way over toward the bedroom. She put her ear to the door and heard Billy grunting. She heard Maria grunting, as well. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes gently. She didn't know how to feel at that moment. She was an emotional conglomeration of sadness that she's being cheated on, disappointment that her best friend is the one who her husband is cheating on her with, but happiness and relief that she doesn't have to pretend to be happy anymore and that she could move on…with Chris.

She continued to listen to the moaning and grunting going on behind that bedroom door. She took comfort in the thought that since she didn't cheat first—although she intended to, actually—that she'd come out looking like the good girl. Self-righteousness can be a good psychological weapon at times.

She gently slid the door slightly ajar and it opened without a sound. She peeked through with one eye and all that she saw was Maria's head bobbing up and down between Billy's legs. She looked away quickly, not wanting to see any more. She expected to see something like that, and strangely enough, she didn't feel any emotion like she did when she first entered the house. The trip from the club allowed her to get some realizations out of her mind and her mind managed to talk her body into not really feeling anything—even seeing it up close, like now. She took one last look at her wedding picture and quickly routed through her pocketbook for a piece of paper and a pen.

She calmly started writing a note. When she finished, she attached it to her and Billy's wedding picture on the wall and quietly left the house. Amidst the grunting and moaning, the note read simply, _"Hey Billy, call me tomorrow, I'll be over Chris' house—Torrie."_

The end.

* * *

_A/N--I know that this isn't a traditional ending, but I like to think about what I'd do if I were married only out of a sense of duty and my partner felt the same way, but didn't want any help or anything to possibly heal it. I like to think about what if I were in the position to break up a marriage just for the evolution of my life. I like to think about what if I were in a marriage that I and my partner both knew wasn't going anywhere, and it seemed as though we were both waiting on the other to cheat first—just so that neither of us looked like the bad one. I like to think about what if I were in the position where I longed for someone so deeply, we connected on every necessary level, but that same person is in a marriage solely out of a sense of duty. _

_As humans, we always try to advance, we try to find ways to make our lives easier, and we always look for the good in life—for ourselves more than others. People view selfishness as a bad trait. However, we seem to always resort to it when it comes down to the bare facts—"Better her/him than me"—sound familiar? It may as well because, after all, selfishness is built into our fiber—notice how we never have to teach our children to say "mine"._

Take care, all of you and thanks for reading!


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